Nighttime Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

TV's prominent hosts devoted their broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa program, dubbed the "gold card," describing it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Take

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday song targeting the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he touches."

Colbert's target was the new plan that allows foreign nationals to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, with a "premium" option for 5 million. An official portal guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought here to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – provided that it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The best background check the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit affluent international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll ratings during economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a attempt to tackle affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of food items, where he behaved oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting conservative news coverage of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he remarked.